I don't know why, but I decided to move my personal blog to blogger. Check it out:

http://beckynowaksblog.blogspot.com

I cannot emphasize my enthusiasm for the Diva Cup enough. So, I created an icon for it! Needs some tweaking, but I love it anyway. I wore it this past week; I had trimmed the stem because it was poking me a lot in the past, so this time it felt VERY comfortable. You don't even feel it... it's wonderful.

OK, in other good news, I FINALLY have an appointment with the Spanish Consulate in Boston to apply for my visa to Spain!!! Yes! It is way too hard to contact those people.... So, I am very relieved.

Brian's still trying to find an apartment in NY... I am just bumming around here in VT at the moment, and hopefully will get to move with Brian to NY. My legal residence will of course still be in Vermont... plus I still need to do some stuff here. Things are sort of up in the air.

Well, that's all I can think to post for now.

Hi everyone! I have officially graduated. Now I am at Brian's house... he helped me move out of MHC yesterday. Man, I sure do have a lot of random junk... I should have a tag sale or something. My latest goal is to clean up my room so I can put everything in there... At the moment most of my stuff is in Brian's car still.

Graduation was fun... the Laurel Parade was of course very beautiful. I think that was my favorite part. I didn't bother going to Baccalaureate or Canoe Sing, though, 'cause my feet hurt so much and I was just tired. Graduation weekend sure was busy. I really wanted to go to Canoe Sing, but I needed the rest. I felt pretty ready for graduation this morning. Soooo glad I didn't wear heels for that.

The speaker, Carol Gilligan, was awesome. She's a psychologist who specializes in gender differences... pretty good for MHC! I have to say, her speech was like the best feminist speech I've ever heard-- which means a lot, since I just spent four years attending a women's college! I think my favorite quote of hers was, "The master's tools will never dissemble the master's home," which, I believe, refers to how women need to find their own ways rather than try to conform to men's values while pursuing equality. I liked that she also pointed out that gender issues are not women's issues... the patriarchal system has negative effects for both men and women. And I thought it was interesting that she mentioned that women have "a psychological advantage" over men when it comes to questioning gender discrimination... basically, girls are taught that they can be good or bad only when they hit puberty (virgin vs. whore), whereas boys are ingrained with the good/bad dichotomy at a much younger age, with the good guys vs. bad guys themes. That was interesting.

Well, I was glad that we had a good speaker for our graduation. Not necessarily someone widely known, but someone whose speech I greatly appreciated.

Now for some photos!!

( Click here to see them... )

Uncovered: Busting Out in the Big Apple

This is a collection of photographs featuring bare-breasted women in public around New York City, often presented with interviews exploring the issues of body image and sexuality in America today. The informal and humorous nature of these images celebrates women without sexualizing or objectifying them, while creating the illusion of a tolerant world in which shirtless women go casually about their lives. Uncovered represents just one aspect of what America could look like if we were free of shame and liberated from moral judgment. This project has been featured by the Today Show, Countdown with Keith Olbermann, the BBC, Sex TV (Canada), NY1 News, WROC-TV Rochester, the New York Daily News, The Rochester Democrat and Chronicle, Time Out New York, Salir Urban Magazine (Spain), el Periodico Newspaper (Spain), Haftalik Magazine (Turkey), la Repubblica Magazine (Italy), Tachydromos Magazine (Greece), WOR Radio, CBS Radio, Radio Free Wease, Susan Seligson's memoir Stacked: A 32DDD Reports from the Front (Bloomsbury USA, 2007), The Art Mine Gallery in Seattle and the Foley Gallery in Chelsea.

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I really enjoyed looking through these photographs last night. A lot of the commentary was interesting too. Seeing a photography project that shows women's breasts as something other than sexual objects really makes the feminist in me celebrate. In a world where so much of the media is aimed at making women feeling ashamed, inadequte, unsatisfied, and insecure about their bodies... seeing someone portray the wild idea that "You are beautiful as you are" is like finding an oasis in a dry and barren desert. He didn't take these photographs to please audiences... if you find any of the pictures unpleasing, who cares what you think? I admit there were many photos I didn't think were attractive on the surface, but that... well, that either is or is not the point, depending on how you look at it. What I did find attractive about all the photos was just the fact that these were every day women; not models who starve themselves and do other ridiculous things so that when normal women see them on magazines they wonder, "Why don't I look like that? Why am I so fat?" Well, you're "fat" (and this word in the woman world has pretty much lost meaning as EVERY woman no matter her size thinks she is fat) because you are a normal human being who *gasp* eats three square meals a day! ...and if you, like me, ignore the beauty magazines (I myself would rather read TIME anyway!)... you feel better. I recognize just fine on my own what my health needs are (notice I said "health" not "weight")... I don't need some trashy magazine telling me.

Well I don't feel like getting into a full rant about body image. I mostly just like to enjoy the fact that these images are revolutionary, I feel.

Anyway, I'm heading back to MHC today for my last time. I graduate on Sunday. In September, I leave for Spain!!! But until then i still need to find something to do.

Like my new LJ icon? I only recently learned how to make animated .gifs, by the way... sad, I know. But now I'm having fun making animated icons. I made this icon from an LOL Cats image... I love this one. LOL Cats is amusing, but boy do I get sick of seeing the stupid captions with intentionally poor grammar and spelling. It gets old. So, I like this "camoflage" one since it 1) is well made, 2) does not contain "cute" poor grammar or spelling, and 3) is SOOO CUTE! I need this as a poster...

Anyway, good news, people: next year I am going to SPAIN!!! So right now I'm listening to my "Latin Mix" on iTunes, which mainly consists of Maná, Gloria Estefan, and Shakira. I seriously need to expand my collection.... I can only listen to Maná so many times (as much as I love them). OK, now I'm just listening to Gloria Estefan. I figure the more Spanish I listen to, the more it'll help when I get to Spain. Not that I doubt my Spanish... but it helps to get in the mood. I'm really excited! I speak Spanish way better than I speak German, even though I've studied German throughout most of college and have spent more time in Germany than I have in any Spanish-speaking country.

I'm still nervous about going to Spain... and I know Brian isn't too excited about it, of course. I'm looking at all sorts of things online to get me looking forward to this (I already am, though :).

Right now the mother of my best friend, Teddy, is here in the US. We drove to Boston to pick her up. Teddy's mom is so awesome!!! I love her... she can't speak a word of English (OK... she can speak a few words... but no more than I know Bulgarian!), so Teddy has been an amazing interpreter for her. I've been learning bits and pieces of Bulgarian lately. It's been really fun. Last night we had dinner with my family. Today I'm going to drive us up to Vermont for a few days, then on Wednesday we'll come back down to Mass for the graduation festivities.

So yeah, things are exciting, and I have a plan for next year. I should be in Spain from September-May. So, I still need summer plans. I'll see what happens. Brian expects me to move with him to New York if he gets this job that he's applying for. I guess I will... but I admit I'm intimidated at the thought of moving to NY. It's way too big a city for my taste, but I can give it a try. If Brian is willing to put up with me running off to Spain for the better part of a year, I guess I can put up with living in the "Big Apple". haha :)

Peace out!

Today is the first of two reading days. I'm busy writing my final composition and final psych report, so I'll try to make this a quick post. I was writing some insightful comments in my own journal that I think I'll post here...

Basically, I went to an end-of-the-year picnic at the Gorse Child Study Center today. I've worked there all year, both for classes and as paid workstudy. I really have enjoyed my time and learned a lot about myself and about children. It has increased my interest in teaching. I had parents tell me, "Thank you so much-- *name* tells me about you all the time!" It really means a lot for me to hear this. It means that I did indeed somehow impact some of the children beyond just their experience in Gorse. As I look into teaching opportunities (as well as other nonprofit type work), I've thought about what goals I'd have to make myself a good teacher, and one of those goals is to truly reach out to my students, whatever the age they are, country they are from, subject they are studying... I'd like to feel like I've made a positive impact. I think that's what I'm finding appealing about teaching. Unlike a lot of professions where your goal is to turn a profit off your customers (not saying that all for-profit work is bad... just that certain industries' actions seriously bother me).... teaching is one of those jobs where you truly work for your "customer" (customer meaning the students). How many professions give you something as valuable and non-materialistic or non-consumerist as education these days??? There are lots of opportunities to make a difference for sure... but I like that teaching is one of the most common.

I think that was something I realized back during my first year at MHC... that I wanted to pursue a career where I could make a difference in someone's life, or some kind of positive impact.

Wow, it has been a long time since I last updated! What can I say, I'm a busy woman!

Last week I won the Hazen Award given by the MHC Music Department to outstanding seniors...

I'm delighted to tell you that the Music Department has selected you to be one of two
recipients of this year's Helen Hazen Award given "to outstanding seniors whose excellent
work in the department reflects the integration of music history, theory and
performance." Congratulations!

The Hazen Award will include a check for $500, as well as a listing in the Commencement
Ceremony Program along with the prizes and awards given by other departments. Please
plan to come to the Music Department Picnic on Monday, April 28, 12:00 noon, so that we
all can celebrate your achievements!

I feel so proud!!! :) I also feel accomplished because I FINALLY have some kind of order to the alumnae and history pages of MHC Jazz Net.


Last Friday, I went to watch the MHC Senior Symposiums. I saw a few of my friends present, as well as a few people whom I did not know but had interesting topics. It was so much fun to watch, because I think it's so cool that we have so many smart, passionate students! Not only that, but the topics are so diverse. They go from discussing puberty rituals in India to examining mutant strands of DNA.... pretty awesome!!

Now, my "presentation" is coming up-- my Senior Recital on April 20th! I designed my own flier, as well as my own program.

I didn't need to make my own program (students giving recitals are only required to give the info to the music dept secretary for her to arrange), but I figured it'd be good practice with Microsoft Word. And it was... it was also good practice for printing duplex. Haha... I must say, I do love printing duplex... not only is it better for the environment, but it means that instead of having to stuff a, say, 32-page article into your folder, you only have 16 pages you have to fit! I print duplex most of the time, and my folder of readings for my psych lab this semester is pretty thick... I'd hate to imagine it if I didn't print duplex.

SO in short, I'm a big fan of printing duplex. But, I digress.

As I was saying, my recital is going to rock and roll. I also got a couple new mouthpieces for my saxophone, and I am VERY excited about that. My trombone playing is sounding good, too, and I think I'll be ready when the recital finally comes. I'm rehearsing with Mark on Wednesday morning for the first time.... so I'm gonna go practice my sax right after this. I have a trombone lesson today, so I won't make the mistake, again, of having a full trombone practice session before a lesson!! That was brutal... lol

Hey all,

I'm at my favorite place again-- the Thirsty Mind Coffee Bar!

I was worried for a minute that my laptop wasn't going to start up. I have an iBook G4, which is "old" now. I'd love to have a shiny new MacBook like everyone else, but considering they cost at least $1,000.... I find it cheaper for now to just keep fixin' the iBook! I'm gonna drive my iBook into the ground-- wait, I think that expression only works on cars. Oh well. Some info about the state of my iBook:
( Read more about the iBook )


But anyway... yeah. I'm at the Thirsty Mind. I LOVE it here-- it's exactly as a coffee shop should be-- good music, warm lighting, coffee, conversations, laptops, and more. I've been going relatively often lately... I'm gonna be broke at this rate from buying coffee though!! But hey... it's $3 including tax for a caramel latte, and I usually give like 30-50 cents tip (whatever change I pull out of my wallet). So if I went every day for 2 weeks, that would be $42 plus tip. I get paid about $200 every 2 weeks with my on campus jobs, so assuming I don't spend more money it's fine! haha but that's a big assumption.

For example, I went to Gerry's Music Store today to have them look at my saxophone and also to look at mouth pieces-- yeah sad story, btw, I broke my mouth piece and also my saxophone is squeaking lately. Not good. So I brought it in, and the guy examined it and commented, "Your saxophone is leaking like a sieve." Apparently 3 pads need to be replaced, plus some springs and cork. Good news though-- this should cost about $40. Not bad... this will be it's first major repair job ever pretty much... I bought it brand new nearly 4 years ago. ( Read more... )

OK, I'm rambling too much about instruments and money. yeah, basically my sax needs fixing... which is good that it's getting that attention now, since the big broadcast is on Sunday and also I wanna play my sax for one or two songs at my senior recital. I was thinking of checking out Scaramouche by Milhaud from the UMass library.... might take the PVTA up there on Friday.

LINKS

Sax Maintenance Tips
Saxophone Care and Maintenance
Yamaha's Saxophone Maintenance
Random Sax Site I just found...

"Keep It Clean" from Trombone.org
Yamaha's Trombone Maintenance
Cleaning Your Trombone


Some of those Sax links are interesting-- like the advice for how to clean the saliva stains off the mouthpiece. That's damn helpful!! I should get more into my instruments.... I love music. I feel at home with it... I think I'd like to do something with music when I graduate. I'd like to work for some kind of nonprofit music foundation. Then eventually go to grad school for music education.

OK I started writing this last night....

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I feel like I'm panicking.... i don't know what to do next when I enter the "real world"!!! I mean, I have some ideas, but it's still scary and there's a lot to do.

Now I understand a little better why so many of my peers are just headed straight for grad school; going to more school is continuing what you've already been doing ever since you were 5 years old. It's similar, and plus, hey, you'll get an even more advanced degree to help you find your career of choice. But it seems that people choose grad school not so much because they are excited about studying their field more, but rather because it's the alternative to facing the big scary "real" world.

It's an interesting culture we live in, that our children are separated into their own little world from the adult world. This arose mostly after the industrial revolution, in which young children were exploited for labor and made to work in unsafe and inhumane conditions. Yet in history before that (and still in other cultures that don't necessarily emphasize formal schooling), children grew up and learned by first-hand experience. There was no separate, little world. There was no "What's the real world like?" questioning, because they were raised in the real world. And now, even, I think most working professionals don't live in the "real world"... but that's such a vague statement.
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....and will now continue!

Well today I feel a bit more confident than I did last week at this time. Maybe it's the beautiful sunny weather. Or maybe it's the yummy tea I'm drinking. Or the brand new Five-College Jazz Festival teeshirt I'm wearing. Yes, new cotton tees feel GREAT.

I was thinking more about my prospects for the future, and here are some ideas in general:

• Webdesign - I'm definitely interested in web design, but of course any time you search for web design as a job, the qualifications usually look like this:
  

  Expert knowledge of web-based presentation layer technologies, including HTML, CSS, XHTML; solid understanding of Content Management Systems; experience with AJAX and Javascript a plus
  

  
  OK, HTML, CSS, XHTML... no problem! AJAX and Javascript... problem. And also lots of web-related jobs want you to know SQL, PHP, and more.
  SO, I was thinking that one possibility for this would be to get some kind of job while taking one or two classes at a community college on things related to web development, like programming, digital art, etc.


• Music Education - I've heard music teachers say, "If I could do it all over again, I'd do exactly the same thing." That's a comforting thing to hear. I think I'd really like music education. It goes with my desire to find a job that not only earns me money, but also gives back to the community. So, if I decide to go to grad school, music education would be a good thing to pursue.


• Psychology - I could always go to grad school for that, too! But I have no idea what I want in terms of psychology. I mean, psych was a good major during my undergrad studies at MHC, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'll go with it. Everyone looks at me like I'm crazy for being a psych major who doesn't want to go STRAIGHT OFF to Grad School. I mean, don't you know there's no (good-paying) job in the whole field of psychology that requires only a BA? Seriously, people have asked me that. And I reply, "Who said I want to become a psychologist?" The study of human behavior and thought can be applied to pretty much anything that involves humans, really. haha

So that's it.... I also know I'd like to have work that's in some kind of not-for-profit field. And if there's one that involves traveling, that would also be cool.

I'm glad I know more about what I want to do!

Well, I'm sitting here in the Thirsty Mind Coffee Bar. I figured I'd write something about myself in this blog of mine, which I started mostly for the purposes of having a public blog to link to from my MHC website. As you can see, I haven't used it much yet, because I do have a personal blog that I use but it is restricted access, obviously-- I can't have, say, prospective employers or my mother reading about personal things!!!

So today's topic: vegetarianism.

You may or may not know this about me, but I've been vegetarian for a little over 2 years. I started gradually cutting meat out of my diet during the fall semester of my Sophomore year at MHC (2005). Ironically, this was right after I'd been on the South Beach Diet, which, with some exercise on the side, was quite effective! And when I managed to cut out most/all meat AND stick to a mostly protein-and-veggies diet, I continued to lose weight. So, my main goal of becoming vegetarian was to eat healthier. For this reason, I still eat seafood.

Most people-- and by most people, I mean the average meat-eating American-- are a bit suspicious of vegetarians. I guess everyone holds their judgments about various labels, like gender, occupation, sexual orientation, race, nationality, etc..... so I'm not criticizing anyone here; just making observations.

Often, when one describes him/herself as vegetarian, this response is followed up by, "Why?" (reminds me of working with 3-year-olds at Gorse....) Anyone who's vegetarian or vegan to some degree always has to defend this for some reason. It seems to me that this is because the most common reason, we think, people are vegetarian is because of political reasons, whether for animal rights, the environment, mad cow disease.... those are the main ones I've heard in terms of political reasons. The other large category besides political reasons is health and taste-- some people simply don't like meat.

No matter what the reason, though, a number of people have a hard time understanding vegetarianism. People think you're being a snob and think, "Ugh, this person could eat my barbecue ribs but is stubbornly refusing to just because they feel bad for cows! Jesus.... what an ass!" haha... no pun intended by "ass".

Now, I would like to say to this meat eater-- are there any foods you don't like to eat, for one reason or another? You probably don't like tofu; I know many meat eaters (and also some vegetarians) don't like it. Tofu's definitely an acquired taste in some cases. So, say you went to my house and I cooked a fancy tofu dish. If you don't eat tofu and decline my dish, I won't be offended. I won't think you're a snob for disliking tofu. I won't make fun of you being weird or activist or against soy products. So why do certain meat-eaters do the same to vegetarians? Why can't people just respect that everyone has different tastes for one reason or another?

So, to bring this story back to my own reasons for being vegetarian, I always feel weird when I personally try to defend my stance. I don't really identify with how I imagine the stereotype of vegetarians to be. I don't imagine myself as someone who thinks all animals' lives are sacred (although I am a fan of animal rights anyway). I wasn't someone who watched Babe and wanted to boycott all pork. Basically, I became vegetarian... just because, well, I could. Humans are omnivores; unlike true carnivores, we have the option to eat WHATEVER we please (within reason). In today's high-tech, globalized world with all the commodities we need and more, there isn't a special need to eat meat; if you look around, you can get the protein, iron, B12, and whatever else you need from nuts, soya, veggies, and more. True, I do believe in some of the causes for vegetarianism-- like the fact that the meat industry is one of the leading contributors of global warming. But I don't feel that my not eating meat does anything for it; it's more like a happy side-effect. And if I really felt strongly about that issue, I'd become vegan and not eat any eggs or dairy, which still do come from large industries that have cows and chickens polluting our water and air. However, I do identify as a Vermonter, and my love for Ben & Jerry's far outweighs my concern about the cows (but anyway, at least Ben & Jerry take more of an activist roll in choosing where their milk comes from!).

En fin, I'm vegetarian just because, because. I don't feel that I need anymore of an explanation than that.